I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
