i barfeds in our rink
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
