some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
