your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
