just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
