Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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