yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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