did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
