we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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