My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
