Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
