Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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