Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't turn off my feet"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
