so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Houston, we have a blender
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
