the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
foreskin is a definite game changer
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
