I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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