drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
