I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
