It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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