You're so nebulous sometimes
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
