When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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