i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
