garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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