How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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