she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
