I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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