Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
only you would photoshop your dick
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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