oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
