He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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