I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
