he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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