I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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