I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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