just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
