Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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