Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
