you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
