she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
