I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
