She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
