i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
