remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
