you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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