Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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