Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
