On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
