I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
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Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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