he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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