Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
