he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
