I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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