worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think i got beer on your cat.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
