Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
