Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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