btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
