Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
