smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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