How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
