3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
