You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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