Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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