There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
