Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
