a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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