..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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